In the last few days I have slid into an almost endless barrage of self-criticism. I hold the value of criticism in high regard when it is offered by friends, loved-ones, colleagues and even self, in a mission to help, hold you to a higher standard, encourage growth, or otherwise remind you of your amazing potential and that your are falling short.
My self notes have been along the lines of ...
Why aren't you taking action?
You are so lucky to have these opportunities, stop wasting them.
Get it together, you know what to do - engage, lean in.
That doesn't sound so bad, right? We say these things to ourselves all the time. What's the problem? Imagine someone saying them to their son, who is sitting at the diner table trying to do his homework. Ouch. You may not be able to put your finger on it exactly, but in that scenario you know these sorts of comments will not only not help, but worse, cause withdrawal.
The very fact that we are not doing what is needed to correct course, is often not because we don't know what to do, but because we are stuck. More specifically, our brains are stuck in a neuronal firing loop. I'll save what these are, how they develop, and their automatic deployment for another time. Let's talk about how to break them.
Even though you may be immersed in thoughts and emotions, at almost any given moment, there are sights, sounds or aromas that, given the chance, will pull you out this wasteful, habitual loop, and into a new dimension of awareness and gratitude.
Today, this took the form of a reflection. As I walked through the pantry to the laundry room to "do another load", I noticed the sequins on my sweater catch the sunlight and send a glorious shower of dancing, golden fireflies on the walls all around me. Instead of taking a brief "oh that's interesting" and trying to focus again on the audio book I was listening to, the menial task of determining clothing types and correct wash and dry modes, while contemplating the rest of my "to-do" lists for business, kiddos, future, experience and finance planning, I stopped. I looked at the dancing flashes of light. I turned my arms and torso and watched them change. I went to different rooms and moved in the sunlight to see how the reflections washed over different surfaces and mirrors. Wow, how incredibly-beautiful.
How fortunate I am to have ... the time to shop and afford a lovely sweater ... a new door on my new pantry... a pantry stocked high-quality food tailored to my AIP diet... access to excellent research which helped me identify my nutrition problems and correct my health... hot and cold drinking water to wash clothes, shower in, and drink with organic lemon juice from Italy... prepaid mortgages through April...
How grateful I am to be able to feel the warmth of the Colorado sun on my face... to see the sparkling snow through the insulated windows... to be able to capture this impression on my "old" iPhone. This and much more in less than a few seconds. The negative and stressful loop was broken, and I was full of gratitude and wonder.
So, if you are feeling stuck in feelings, remember this... you may be falling short of your potential, but it is not because you are lazy, it's because you have survived, and those automatic survival mechanisms are not helping you in this situation. You need only to break the automatic response. This is an easy and enjoyable way to do so.
STOP - pay attention to your surroundings.
DIVE - follow the first thing that catches your attention.
APPRECIATE - follow the threads of wonder, fortune and joy of your amazing life.
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